Tournament Officials Seek TARP Funds

Washington (AP) – Henderson NCAA Tournament Officials appeared in Washington last week to request financial assistance under the Tournament Assets Relief Program, better known as TARP.

Appearing before the House Committee on Wayward and Troubled Finances (WTF), Tournament President Matt Henderson urged swift action on the Tournament’s request for nearly $375,000 in financial guarantees. “Without taxpayer assistance, our Tournament will have no choice but to raise entry fees for our customers. This is the last thing we should be doing in this economic climate,” said Henderson, noting that many people turn toward gambling when the economy falters.

Officials responded to growing criticism over the conduct of past tournaments, acknowledging that routinely hosting an annual junket in far-flung locales such as San Diego or Las Vegas “may not be fiscally prudent in these trying times”. They also conceded that flying in separate corporate jets to appear in Washington “could have been handled better – perhaps we could have jet-pooled,” according to Harrisburg Regional Administrator Pat Henderson.

Tournament President Henderson bristled at suggestions from WTF Committee members that the requested funds amounted to nothing more than a “corporate bailout” of irresponsible business practices. “We’re not even incorporated,” said Henderson.

In other testimony, tournament officials acknowledged:

· they have yet to implement a mandatory performance enhancers testing protocol for tournament participants;

· entry fees would need to be significantly raised in coming years to cover severance and retirement packages of senior tournament officials unless existing agreements can be renegotiated;

· despite overwhelming evidence of tampering, they failed to take any disciplinary action against a participant identified only as “Carol”;

· the irony in soliciting taxpayer assistance, noting they “don’t pay and do not subscribe to the notion of involuntary taxation”

Tournament officials declined further comment as they boarded their jets, reportedly headed for the annual pre-tournament gathering of the Tournament’s Executive Committee in the Grand Cayman Islands.